She's Such a Guy
by Crimson the fox
Summary: Have you ever had one of those stereotypical guy friends who does everything the average guy does like watching a lot of sports, plays videogames all day, and stuff like that? I have a friend just like that who does all that stuff and more. Her name is Kairi, and she lives with me and my best friend Riku... Rated T for Language and minor suggestive jokes. SoraxKairi
1. How NOT to Differentiate Boy from Girl

Hey everybody! How are things going for you in your life? Mine has been just swell! Anyway, for those of you who know me (or rather, my stories) I'm back from my near 2-year break from this place! I'll have a special message for you guys at the end. For those of you who are just reading my newest story outta interest, thanks for choosing it and I hope you'll all enjoy! :D It took me like three days to make this, and I'm still not _entirely_ happy with how it turned out, but I like it enough to post it and wanted to at least get this up before too long; got a lot of plot to work through and not a lot time to do it! Thanks for reading this first chapter and I hope you enjoy it. Oh! And one more thing, this thing is rated T for a reason, this ones got a **lot** of swearing and stuff in it, but don't worry that'll die down as the story progress. XD

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story except for the plot itself and after writing this I don't think square enix would hire me as a writer for them. XD

* * *

She's Such a Guy…

Lesson 1: How NOT to Differentiate Boy from Girl

I couldn't believe it. I simply couldn't believe it! I lost at the game I'm best at! I looked to my opponent with an angry scowl.

"Ha-HA! YEAH Sora, how do you like them apples BI-ACH!? SUCK MY DICK, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Shut the fuck up it was only one round, **one**! I still have two more to go to kick your ass up and down the street!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear over the sound of MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH!"

"You know something, FUCK YOU!"

"Oh, get off your period and just accept the fact that you're my bitch."

"Fuck that, I'm gonna getcha this time. 'Cause I'm Sora dammit and Sora is nobody's bitch, especially not yours."

"Bitch please, after I give you this second helping of 'Sora-Spank' you're gonna get on your knees and SUCK IT"

And now she's gesturing to her crotch. Y'know for a girl, Kairi really is such a guy. No joke sometimes it's hard to tell if she was just born with a penis and it somehow got removed and was replaced with…something else. Jeez, what a way to start of the morning. I got classes in three hours (a test in one of them), my _supposed_ best friend just kicked my ass at Mega Fight Champ 4, and now she's waving her crotch in my FACE!

Oh don't give me that look. I really don't care what you guys think; having your best friend pelvic thrust your face, regardless of their gender, is **not cool**, at least not with Kairi. If it were any other girl I'd be ec-freaking-static about this, but Kairi is…I dunno a little too mannish? Not physically of course 'cause I mean physically she's…really attractive? Very appealing? Ah, to hell with it she's hot. She's **smoking hot** to be exact, but that personality of hers…leaves a lot to be desired to put it nicely.

"Okay that's it; it's ass-whoopin' time." Not losing this time, no matter how good she is she can't beat me.

"Oh yeah, it is about that time, just try not to cry too much when you lose."

"Big talk coming from a scraggy hoe."

"Big talk coming from a scared-y bitch!"

"Oh, it is **so** on like Donkey Kong!"

"It **will have** been, right after my 120-hit combo!"

On that note mine and Kairi's mutual other best friend Riku came in obviously awoken from his deep slumber. 'Cause, y'know, he has the _luxury_ of not FUCKING HAVING CLASSES TODAY! He stared at us with half-open eyes, trying his hardest to give us the "evil eye" (but if he did then he'd probably just end up closing his eyes), before turning to the coffee pot in the kitchenette in our "bungalow" as we like to call it.

"You guys suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! The one day of the week I don't have classes and you wake me up with your dirty, dirty words." said the grouch.

Oh, I'm sorry. Here I'll make you some tea and turn the game off and watch some quiet television so you can get back to bed, while I toil away at my classes, you ass-hat! "Shut it, Riku. Just be happy you don't have class today and move on."

"I move better in my sleep." Oh, hardy-har-har. So now the guy's a comedian? Ah, but there were more important things at hand, such as KICKING KAIRI'S ASS!

"Alright ladies, enough gossip. Me and Sora got classes in a few hours and I'm just **itchin'** to kick his ass at MFC4, so can we move the chatter along girls?"

Okay, now she's done it. I got friggin' serious friggin' fast! After that insult, she's gotta go down! So I just scroll on over to my best character in the game and go right ahead to clicking the A button for the selection.

"Oh, so we're doing mains now, alright I'm down with that." Oh, I hear the fear in her voice she's gonna cry! (please?)

For the next three hours Kairi and I played that game trying to decide who the winner was. By the end of the game we were tied 3-3. Yeah, I said it 3-3. It _actually_ took us three whole hours to get to an even point. The worst thing is that we played like 20 matches and for like 14 of them we kept killing each other at the same time or the timer would run out. We decided to have the tiebreaker match tomorrow since it was Saturday and that meant no school.

"Man, I seriously don't wanna go to summer school today, too _booooooriiiiiiiiiing_! Can we skip it Kairi, huh, can we, can we?" what? I'm not a school guy, so sue me.

"Sora, I'm all for missing school and all, but you need the grades, and I already signed on for the tutoring sessions in science." While Kairi (as much as she tries to pretend she's not) **is** an aca…arca…whatever she's really good at school stuff.

I was gonna make an argument, but I just couldn't find the right words for it. I can't say I just don't wanna go, not a good enough excuse for Kairi. I guess it took me too long 'cause the next thing I hear is Kairi and Riku (in unison) making a whip-cracking sound.

"Somebody is whiiiii-iiiiiiped!" said my red-haired companion.

"Shut your yap! I am not!" I'm just not the best argue-er around.

"Yeah right Sora; you'd obey every command the principal gave if he had a pair of boobs!" whoa, whoa, **whoa**, the principal? Okay Riku, we didn't need to get into your sick fantasies.

"Okay Riku, we didn't need to get into your sick fantasies," Hey, that's what I said! Kairi needs to stop stealing my lines… "anyway, if we don't leave now Sora we're gonna be late, and I'm not taking the blame for you this time."

"**Fiiiiiiiiine**, I already got my things so let's just get this over with."

I took one last look at the bungalow before we left. The place is soooooo amazing! I'll explain why later, you just gotta believe me when I say it's awesome. And what's even better than that is that we get to live in it for throughout summer vacation! Just me, Riku, and Kairi living together for the summer, hell YEAH!

After my small celebration of the house we'd be living in, we ran straight out the door to my parent's drive way, hopped into Kairi's car and were off to school. The ride there was a perfectly comfortable silent one, generally because Kairi gets really focused when she's driving (somethin' about not dying because of a naggy bitch, I dunno.) So we just sat in the silence, alone, for like 20 minutes, doing nothing. Soooooo much fun right?

* * *

We arrived at school just in time for the warning bell to ring. That means we have 5 minutes before class starts. Looks like it's time to find—

"Hey Kairi, Sora, you guys just get here?" Never mind, he apparently just crept up behind me and made me jump…**five feet in the air!**

"HOLY SHIT! Roxas, Don't fuckin' sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry dude didn't really mean to." said the ninja with the blonde hair.

"So where's- oh, there she is." What was Kairi talking about?

I quickly found out what she was talking about. In the distance, I could make out the shape of a petite, blonde girl wearing what appeared to be a white sundress. For those of you who _don't_ know who that is; it's Roxas' girlfriend Naminé, another one of our friends. She and Roxas have probably been dating for roughly two years. And they're **always** together. I'm serious; the day Naminé and Roxas aren't seen in the same place is the day hell freezes over…twice.

As soon as Naminé got to us, she skipped (literally skipped) over to Roxas and gave him a peck on the cheek, making him go red in the face. I never really understood why he did that, I mean if they weren't dating already I'd understand it, but they **are** dating so getting embarrassed about a peck doesn't make sense. Oh well, I'm not the one dating him so I'm not the one who has to worry about it. N-not that I would even want to date him. 'Cause you know, I'm not gay. You know what, I'll just shut up now before this gets any worse for me.

"Hello Sora and Kairi. How are you guys today?"

"Nothing to complain about, other than Riku being able to stay home today, me being stuck in **this** hell hole, oh and your boy-toy here just gave me a heart attack. Other than that, though, I'm fine."

"Glad to see you're having a good day." She said with a giggle.

Y'know, I'm glad I've got a friend like Naminé; it reminds me how good it is to have a **real** girl around. Don't give me that look; it's not what you think. I have **no** feelings toward Naminé except ones of friendship. I just meant it's nice to have a girly girl around once in a while rather than a man trapped in a girl's body.

"So why are you and Roxas even _here_? I thought you two were some kinda super geniuses or somethin'?" I said with a big goofy smile. You'll notice I do that a lot, especially around my buddies.

"Well, Roxas and I-" Naminé was cut off by our good friend Roxas. Ain't he the sweetest?

"Actually it was all her idea; I just wanted to stay at home and cud-" Naminé shot Roxas the angriest look I've ever seen her give to anybody. She's usually so sweet and innocent; I thought she just couldn't physically _be_ angry. "…I'll shut up now…"

Me and Kairi just couldn't resist making the classic "somebody's whipped" sound at that one. Then Naminé shot **us** a dirty look, and we sorta just shrank and let her finish her statement.

"As I was saying," she took a brief pause to get her nice back "Roxas and I thought it would be a good idea to not waste our summer vacation doing nothing, so we decided to get some tutoring in while we had the chance."

"Yeah, but like Sora said; you guys are friggin' geniuses. Why would you need tutoring?" Kairi, apparently feeling talkative all of a sudden, chimed in.

"Oh, we're not _getting_ tutoring. We're actually the ones _doing_ the tutoring."

"Oh, okay I get it. Funny, I thought you hated helping people or something like that Roxas?" said Kairi. Yeah, I have to agree with Kairi on that one, even though Roxas is friendly and all he isn't known for being a very giving guy.

"Like I said her idea, I just chose to follow it." Yeah, more like you just wanted some extra brownie points, More than likely for some "late night fun."

"Yeah, more like you just wanted some extra brownie points." Okay seriously?! What is she reading my mind or something? STOP TAKING MY LINES!

"Well…something like that." He said with a smile that almost rivaled mine…**almost**.

"Well, Roxas and I should be heading off now. See you both around lunch? We'll be here until three o'clock so it would be nice to see you guys again at some point in the day." said Naminé.

"Yeah we'll be here 'til then. Sora has class 'til two-fifty and I'm his ride so I can't ditch him; no matter how much I want to."

"What, you want to ditch me!? How could you Kairi! I thought we we're friends?" I said with the whiniest voice I could muster.

After that the class bell rang which meant time to get my ass to class. We all said our good-byes and were starting to part ways when Naminé turned around and said something to us, well more to Kairi than me.

"You two have fun now. Try not to do anything too brazen Kairi, okay?" then she winked and ran inside the building with Roxas to get to wherever they needed to go.

I had no idea what she meant by "too brazen" (probably because I don't know what the hell brazen meant, sounded like old English to me) so I tried to ask Kairi about it.

"Okay, what did she mean by that?" I figure girls should be able to figure out what each other is talking about, so Kairi should know right?

"How should I know? I'm not a friggin' mind reader." The statements you stole from my brain prove otherwise.

Huh, that's funny she's not looking up in front of her…in fact she's not even looking at anything; her eyes are closed. What's up with her face? Wait, it can't be…is she…blushing? Kairi never blushes! I've known Kairi since we were like 5 and never once has she blushed! Wow, "brazen" must be some sort of analogy for something dirty.

"Kairi, what's up with your face? You're all re-ow!" That one got me a punch right in the arm, ouch!

* * *

After a grueling day at the hands of dumber school (get it? 'cause it's **stupid!**) I waited outside the cafeteria for my friends to show up. I know they said that they were gonna be here at three, but come ON! No one is _so_ friggin' punctual that they're going to show up _exactly_ at three! Yet here I am, at two-fifty six; while I wait for my friends who SHOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN HERE! Sorry about that, I tend to get a bit…"cranky" if I don't get my food on time, and I've already missed my first lunch due to class, so you can understand how upset I am about almost missing my second lunch because my friends ARE ASSHOLES! Screw it I'm going in forget them!

"Hey Sora, sorry we're late!" came a girlish voice behind me, probably Naminé's.

"Jeez guys, it took you long enou-" I stopped short because I suddenly realized why they took so long to get here. It seems that…somehow…Roxas and Naminé had gotten their hair caught together and were tangled up badly. How do I know this? Because when they got here they were **still** tangled up and Kairi was a step behind them, trying desperately to get them unstuck. I was laughing so hard I thought my lungs were gonna burst!

"Shut up Sora, or I'll get _you_ to untangle us instead of man-lady over here!" Okay, Roxas seems to be in just _the best_ of moods right now.

"Sorry buddy," I said between snickers; "it's just, you look different from this morning. Did you do something with your **hair**?! Ha-ha-ha!"

"When I get outta this, your ass is **so grass**!" yeah, says the guy who got stuck in his girlfriend's hair.

"How'd this even happen in the first place Kairi?"

"I dunno they still won't tell me, but now that you're here they're gonna _have_ to tell us or I'll just fix this the _easy_ way." She made snipping gestures at the tangled twosome (yup, that's their nickname from now on) and they both flinched at the sight of it, which got a chuckle outta me. She can be so cynical sometimes. (And yes, I did use a smart sounding word just now, isn't that something?)

"We weren't doing anything! It just sorta happened!" Oh yeah Roxas, 'cause that's believable. You just _happen_ to be with your girlfriend and you just _happen_ to get caught up in her hair so tight you needed someone else's help? "Bull Roxas, now tell us or I'll just let my associate here have the scissors I have in my pocket, and she'll just _love_ to get you two untangled."

"You wouldn't, you've gotta be bluffing!" unfortunately for him I wasn't. Never know when a teacher might say "pop-arts-and-crafts-time!" (IT CAN HAPPEN I SWEAR! YOU'LL SEE ONE DAY!) Luckily for Roxas, Naminé cared enough about hair (_whose_ hair I don't know yet) to spill everything that happened.

"W-wait, just wait a second Sora! I'll tell you what happened just don't cut our hair, please!"

"Alright then girly…" said Kairi in a very 'rape-y sorta tone' "**Spill it**!" Naminé let out a small sigh before regaling (another big word! Mamma would be so proud!) their story.

"Okay, well it went like this. Roxas and I were tutoring some kids in math, as planned. Around one o'clock the teacher of the classroom we were working in came in. He told us he'd take over from there and said we earned a break. Roxas and I decide to go to the park across the street, since it looked so nice outside. We sat down on a bench near the playground, watching the kids run up and down the jungle gym. We started talking about what our kids would be like, how many each of us wanted, what their names will be-"

"Okay, okay we get it; can we just get to the part where you two got tangled? I'm starting to get nauseous from all this lovey-dovey talk." Yeah, Kairi's not the kinda girl who enjoys all that heartfelt romantic crap you see in movies…and in this case in our friends.

"Fine, fine; anyway we ended up talking for so long we fell asleep. I have braids in my hair so I guess when Roxas laid his head on mine I guess it just kinda…got tangled up?"

Yeah, even _I_ didn't believe that one. It sounded way too fake, made no sense at all. Then again, this whole thing was pretty unreal. I mean when do you **ever** hear about something like this happening?

"I guess I'll buy that story for now. How about you Kairi, sound believable enough to you?"

"Eh, it's good enough for me. Besides I just wanna eat something. I'm too famished to even consider any _other_ possibilities." Said Kairi, hinting like she knew a bit more than what they were saying was true.

Anyway, I helped out Kairi to get our two other friends unstuck. After about three minutes of untangling later, they (or at least their heads) were separated and we all joyously entered the cafeteria.

* * *

"So how was your tutoring session Kairi, learn anything useful?"

"Sha-right, like a tutoring session for science is gonna give you _anything_ useful." Hey, that one hits home a little bit Kairi, I love science!

"Don't look so offended, Sora; I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Yeah, easy for you to say Naminé. You don't have to li-" I was cut short by the appearance of a brunette angel. She was dressed in a beautiful sundress made of pure golden sunlight. Her eyes like twin emeralds cut into perfect spheres that gleam with the purest of joy. And a smile that melts away all sadness and fills me with so much…err I mean, uh, YEAH SHE'S SMOKING HOT AND I…already lost your respect for me as man huh? Damn me and my talent for using sissy sounding.

The girl I'm talking about, her name is Olette. She's one of my little sister's friends. I've had a crush on her since I was about fourteen. She's a sophomore and captain of the tennis team. She's also really sweet and outgoing, always ready for just about anything. She's the perfect girl, I swear! The only problem I have is that I'm not the most courageous guy around.

"Hey Sora, you might wanna shut your mouth; the school lunch just might fly into it." said Roxas.

"Shaddap Roxas, who asked you?" I said wiping my mouth and blushing like there was no tomorrow. Why, wipe my mouth? Simple, just in case I was drooling over Olette. Trust me, it happens.

"Hey man don't get all angry at me, I'm just trying to save you live from whatever they have back there from getting into your stomach."

"Fair enough." I stated plainly, a goofy smirk on my face

"So what was up with the blank stare there Sora? You get caught in some headlights again?" said Roxas

"No, this guy was just ogling oh-so-perfect-Olette again." Wow Kairi jealous much? No wait, that's a good comeback better state that one aloud.

"What are you jealous or something Kairi?" I said; a smirk playing at my lips.

"Jealous of what? Having your attention? Shit, that's not hard to get, just show up butt-ass-naked and BAM! All eyes would be up here!" She said pointing at herself. I'm not gonna say where exactly, but I think you can imagine, and if you can't just think _really_ hard about Kairi's personality. You should be able to figure it out

"AH, MY VIRGIN EARS! Kairi did I _really_ need to hear that?" shouted Roxas.

"Although he's over reacting, I have to agree with him Kairi," wow there's a shocker Naminé agreeing with Roxas about something, "was that kind of description really necessary?"

"Whatever; I was just trying to prove a point is all. Anyway, I've finished my lunch and the school is gonna close soon, so Sora and I should head on out; cool?"

"Yes, that's perfectly fine by me. Roxas and I have a date tonight anyway, and we really should be getting ready." said Naminé.

"Aw, I miss you already Sora; don't forget to write." Roxas stated sarcastically.

"Ha-ha, okay 'mom' I will." I joked back

"AND DON"T FORGET TO WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR!" Oh thanks for that Roxas, now everyone here is gonna be looking at me like a **psychopath**!

"Hey say that a little louder next time; I don't think anyone heard you IN CHINA!" we all had a good laugh at that one, which meant I won the joke contest.

"Not that I want to stop the love fest between you and your boyfriend Sora, but we seriously need to go before Riku drinks the last of the soda." Man just when I thought I won for once.

"Alright then, let's go. See you guys Monday or something." Roxas half-stated, half-asked.

"Yeah, something like that, later!"

And with that we left our friends and headed back home.

* * *

"Ah, bungalow, sweet bungalow."

We got home at six-forty three; traffic was really bad for some reason and it kept us on the road longer than we expected. Riku wasn't anywhere to be found, probably went to go get dinner for himself since we were late and couldn't prepare it for him like the _obedient_ servants we are.

"Looks like were, the only ones in the house." I stated, pointing out the obvious.

"Good, then that means **you** can make dinner tonight."

"Aw, c'mon Kairi I **always** make dinner whenever Riku's out!" I still do it sometimes when he's here too. Though really it's probably best if I cook, Kairi is about the only person I know who can actually _burn_ water. I'm not joking; she friggin' burned the water she was attempting to boil.

"Well, if you _really_ feel like dying tonight…" yeah, screw **that** plan.

"On second thought, I'll make dinner. I forgot how **bad** you are around the kitchen."

"Damn straight, now make me my dinner bitch!" Oh, so that's we wanna play it tonight. I feel another "match" about to start. You'll see what I mean.

"Keep barking orders Kairi; see if I make dinner for you then."

"Puh-lease, you wouldn't defy me; you know _all_ too well what'll happen to you…" this is where I _normally_ would've just said okay, this is where I _normally_ would've cooked dinner and at least eat _something_ for dinner. Instead of that (because, fuck I'm not giving up that easily) I say:

"Oh yeah? Then what _exactly_ will happen to me, huh?" and that was it; the match had begun. The next thing I knew there was an arm around my neck. Kairi had put me into a headlock.

"Kairi let go of me!" I growled through clenched teeth, faking anger; though my laughing kinda gave me away.

"Does that mean you'll make dinner?" After all that I just did to avoid it?

"NEVER!"

"Then you stay like this." She stated playfully cold

I kept struggling to get out of her grip, but she held onto me tight. Luckily she forgot about one thing, my weight. While Kairi maybe strong and tough she weighs about the same as, oh let's say; a feather? I leaned forward until I felt her weight (as nearly impossible as that is) on my back and then grabbed behind her knees and piggy-backed her to the couch where I dropped down on my back. She let go of me and now I was free, but she still had some fight left in her. As soon as I attempted to get back up, she tripped me, the friggin' cheater! I fell flat on my face and when I turned around to get up it was over, she had me pinned to the ground by my arms.

"Ha, gotcha now ya pansy!"

I know what you're thinking, "If you could flip her on the couch why don't you just flip her now?" right? Well, unlike when she had me in a headlock I couldn't throw my weight around on the ground (at least as far as I know) like I could while standing. Just as I was about to let out a sigh of submission and agree to make dinner, someone put Kairi into a full nelson.

"Kairi, what did I tell you about raping Sora?" said a familiar, saintly sounding voice.

I looked past Kairi to find Riku helping me out of a bad situation. Thanks for that one Riku, all is forgiven from this morning.

"I got her Sora, grab her legs and we'll toss her out of bounds!" Riku commanded.

"I got 'em! Let's go!"

My partner and I carried the loser to the specified zone, her bed, and started to swing her by her arms and legs. The whole while she was complaining and threatening us.

"If you guys throw me outta bounds I swear…" she playfully threatened.

"On three okay? 1…2…3!" as we hit three we let go and tossed the now defeated champion onto her bed. We laughed in our victory as the **former** champ growled at as, scowling all the while. But even she couldn't resist our laughter and began to laugh with us.

"Riku, why'd ya have to butt in? I had him beat, he was gonna make dinner!" Kairi giggled, again faking annoyance.

"Oh, I see how it started now. You said no didn't you Sora?" he questioned. I couldn't lie to the guy now that he helped me defeat the champ.

"Guilty as charged." I smirked.

"Well, it's actually a good thing you didn't cook. Otherwise…" He left before he finished his statement. Kairi and I just looked at each other and shrugged. We were about to leave her room, when our silver haired friend came back into the room.

"Otherwise, getting these pizzas would've been pointless." He held out two cardboard boxes that smelled like what I imagine heaven would smell like. I tried to grab the box, but Kairi got to Riku first and snatched one box right out of his hands.

"HA! Looks like _I_ get a box _all to myself_ while you two have to share." Kairi mocked, reveling in her small victory.

"Actually I already had dinner; the second box is for Sora." Yes! Chalk up one point for Sora!

"HA back Kairi! This box is all for _this guy_!" I said pointing at myself with my thumbs like a douche.

"whatevs, you just got lucky this time." Kairi shrugged. A win is a win; that's all that matters to me.

We headed to the living room and hopped our happy asses on the couch, turned on the TV, and began flipping through channels for something to watch. We decided on a stupid chick flick on the Hallmark Channel, figured we could get a good laugh at how stupid it was. To be honest it was okay for the first half of the movie; then it got _really_ cheesy _really_ fast. By the time it was over we were all dropped-jaw confused about the whole thing.

"Wait, wait, what? This guy, after going through all the trouble to find the girl he's _so_ in love with and tell her how he feels, gives up because the guy she liked back in _high school_ shows up and starts talking to her? He doesn't even try to say anything or intervene in any way? I swear this guy's an idiot."

"Yeah, I'm with you Riku, that whole 'I'm not good enough' thing; waaaaay too overdone in these movies. Where's all that confidence she gave him, where's the strength? This guy's an idiot." I totally agree, Kairi.

"Hey guys; wasn't this supposed to be a romantic _comedy_? Where were all the jokes?" I seriously don't remember a _single_ in the _entire_ movie.

"I think they were jokes for girly girls, y'know the kinds that are more about the situation than an actual joke with a punch line." oooooooh.

"Oooooooh." Wow déjà vu.

Riku let out a giant yawn. He said he was going to bed. Yeah, like you need any more friggin' sleep pal. You probably slept right up until you went to get the pizzas. He went into his room, but not before getting one last joke for the night.

"Alright guys I'm going to bed. If you can, try and get me up in the morning if I'm late. And Kairi, no more Sora raping tonight; it's no fair if he doesn't have back up."

"Fuck you Riku, I do what I want. Nobody has control over me! Get over here Sora, daddy wants some quality time!" she joked…I think. Settle down Kairi, he was only joking

"Calm down killer. I'm not in the mood to get sexually abused tonight."

"Whatever, so are you going to bed?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay up a bit longer. Take in this great place y'know?"

"Cool story bro, think I'll join ya."

"You're not even gonna ask if I _want_ company?"

"Shit, I don't ask for permission, I just do as I please."

"Fine then; do as you please."

I would've continued the joke argument, but I just didn't have it in me to continue joking at eleven-thirty at night. I just wanted to admire this freaking awesome pad! Wow did I just use the word pad? Must be more tired than I thought. Anyway; let me tell you about the bungalow, first off it's got three decent sized rooms, one for each of us with Kairi's being the largest, a sorta living room kitchenette combo, and a backdoor to a little back porch. We had a working mini fridge to store sodas and stuff, a small table and some chairs; though we never really use them. We usually just eat in the living room. Coolest thing about the kitchenette is, get this, a friggin bar counter for entertaining our friends during the summer! We don't drink alcohol or anything; it's just cool to have. Lastly, in the living room we have a small coffee table, a nasty old green couch, and a 64 inch HD plasma screen TV with cable, and a Mech-Terminal IV video game system.

This place was the greatest thing I had _ever_ been in before! I think it was just a little too amazing for me to handle; 'cause I woke up at like 3 o'clock in the morning still sitting on the couch in the same place as before. When I went to get up, I noticed something fall to the floor.

"What's this?" I whispered. I picked it up and found it was a blanket. It's a little hard to tell in the dark, but I think this blanket is…Pink? I quickly whipped my head to the couch to see if Kairi was sleeping there too, but she wasn't. I wonder why she gave me her blanket? Well, I was too tired to think about, I'll just thank her for it in the morning. I tip-toed on back to my room, and fell straight asleep.

* * *

WOW, that one was a _long_ chapter huh? So what did you think of it? Love it? Hate it? Indifferent it? How ever you feel about and whatever you can think to tell me to improve this story, go write me a review and tell me all that stuff all are welcome here. But if you flame me, I'll send a heartless to your house, ha-ha XD actually I'm quite serious, if you flame me I will send a heartless in the shape of your worst fear to come over to your house, break your mom's favorite vase, rip apart your dad's car, pretend to be your sister's boyfriend and break up with her, and then have him blame it all on **you**! and of course y'know he'll devour your soul, but that's like not even the worst he can do. XD Anyway thanks for reading and expect the next chapter when I finish it. :D

To all of my old fans (since I can't think of a less ego maniacal thing to call you guys right now.) I **am** continuing "You Can't Always Speed Through" I've just hit a snag in the plot and will need some time to get it unsnagged. won't take me but maybe a week or so as soon as I get on it. So expect that to update sometime within the next few months, more than likely December since that's where I have my longest break from college.

Thanks again for reading, You're all beautiful, I love you all, will you marry me. XD Have a terrific day slash night slash morning slash afternoon slash evening!


	2. How to Troll Someone Awake part A

Wow, so hey everybody I'm back with the next installment of She's such a guy. I'm sorry it took so long to get this up, but two things happened. One: I started writing this chapter a few days after I uploaded the first one and i had a lot of things to do that week (especially on Halloween, had to give the candy to the kiddies and all) and couldn't find much time to write this chapter that week. Two: this chapter got a bit wordy...okay a bit is an understatement it got SUPER wordy! So here's the deal; this is only half of chapter two due to how wordy the chapter was. Don't I wrote well into the second half before putting this up here so you can expect the next part soon. I'm gonna try for this weekend but I have a term paper due the 20th so I may not post it then, but definitely the weekend of the 20th since the 21st starts my Thanksgiving break. :D so for now relax and enjoy part A (or part one for you nitpick-y people) of Chapter 2 of "She's Such a Guy."

Disclaimer: read it in chapter one if you haven't read it already.

* * *

She's Such a Guy…

Lesson 2 Part A: How to Troll Someone Awake.

I woke up the next morning, groggy as always. Sorry, but I just _love_ to sleep; It's the only thing better than eating. I would've slept longer too, but there was this _slight_ problem. I was **freezing**! How the **hell** does it get so cold in the middle of summer? Wait let me rephrase that, in the middle of summer on a **FRIGGIN' TROPICAL ISLAND?! **I mean it makes no sense right?

Whatever, I'll just grab my blanket and…WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BLANKET?! No wonder I was so cold last night, I had nothing to cover me with!

"Funny, I coulda sworn that I had a blanket-" And that's when I remembered last night. I did have a blanket last night, but it wasn't mine; it was Kairi's. I must've used the last ounce of my brain power to take the mental note that to thank her (proven by the fact that I remember that I have to do that) instead of focusing on the more important of the two: taking the friggin' thing with me to bed.

Since my brain was working now I decided to get outta bed and get ready for the day. I walked over to my closet, flung open the doors and found…empty space. Now the pieces of the puzzle were fitting together. Kairi didn't give me her blanket outta kindness, she did it 'cause she had to. See, my blanket is the softest, warmest, most comfortable blanket in my house and whenever Riku and Kairi stay over for the night they always try to weasel my blanket off of me, so when Kairi noticed that I was asleep on the couch she must've went into my room and stole my blanket. Ah, but that's only _part_ of her grand evil scheme. When she went into my room to take my blanket, she probably remembered that she hasn't done her laundry in a while (seeing as how it's sprawled all over the floor of the laundry room in my house). Since she was in my room anyway, she must've figured I didn't care about my clothes enough to notice that one shirt (the _only_ shirt) in my closet would be missing and took it so she could do her laundry in clean clothes.

What, you don't believe me? Alright, I betcha' ten munny that if I go into Kairi's room right now my blanket will be in there, **and** within five minutes Kairi will walk in here with a basket full of her clothes wearing my shirt; deal? Alright then, let's go to Kairi's room first.

I walked over to Kairi's room, flung open the door and looked straight to her bed. Sure enough, there was my blanket; sitting right on top of her bed (told you she took it). I was about to yank my blanket off of her bed, when I heard a knock at the door. I figured it was Kairi and she couldn't open the door because she was carrying a boatload of clothes. One of the very few feminine things about Kairi is her amount of clothes she owns…though I guess it's not very feminine since they're all boys' clothes. I angrily strode over to the door and flung it open.

"Alright Kairi, now you're gonna…" I stopped short as I found that it wasn't Kairi who was standing in front of me. Instead it was a girl, one I'm very familiar with, with short, jet-black hair; big, blue eyes; and the cutest, wittle face that you can just pin-uh…yeah…forget I said anything.

"Hey there little sis, what're you up to?" It was my little sister Xion. She was wearing her favorite black skull print T-shirt, and some khaki shorts with a whole bunch of pockets. She looked up at me and smiled before saying anything to me.

"Oh, nothing really; Mom just wanted to know if you were still gonna be home today."

"Oh, she did, did she? Tell her that I might go over to Roxas' later, but if not I'll be home." She probably wants me to clean my room or something.

"Okay then, I'll go tell her…Hey Sora, is Riku still here too?" Huh? Why would she be asking about Riku?

"Uh, he _should_ be getting up right about now to get ready for his classes today; why do you wanna know?" I saw her face go red really fast and she turned away from me before speaking.

"N-no reason, I just thought he had left already is all...anyway I'll go tell Mom you're up, bye Sora!"

"Hold on a second." She's hiding something from me I just know it, and I think I know who it's about. She stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned around looking nervously at me.

"You're hiding something from me, and I think I know what it is." She suddenly had an extreme interest in the blades of grass beneath her feet when I said that. Jeez, what's Kairi doing that would have Xion acting all weird?

"Look Sora-"

"Alright; where is she, and what is she doing?" She looked back up at me, looking confused as all get-out.

"What? Sora, who are you talking about?" She said _obviously_ playing dumb.

"You know _who_, now tell me where she is and what she's doing." I tried to give my best "intimidating-big-brother" voice, but it apparently wasn't too convincing.

"Sora, I honestly have _no_ idea what you're talking about." Obviously I would need to be direct to learn what I wanted to know.

"Kairi, Xion, I'm talking about Kairi. I know you know where she is and what she's doing so spill it." I gave her a very stern older-sibling voice to try and make her spill her guts, and then the strangest thing happened.

She started laughing. More specifically; she was laughing at me. I thought she was making fun of me for a sec, but her laugh didn't sound like a mocking one; it was more like a laugh of relief. I wonder why she's laughing like that? Hmm, hey why are you guys face-palming? Did I miss something?

Anyway, her laughing eventually got to me and I started laughing right along with her. We laughed for a good two minutes until Xion finally calmed down to tell me what she knew.

"I-I, haha, I think she's taking a shower right now, she was carrying your shirt though."

"Ah-ha! I knew she had my shirt, the dirty little…" I cut my sentence short when I remembered my little sister was there. I thanked her for the information and was about to head back to when Xion called out to me again.

"Hey Sora?"

"What is it Xion?" I got my answer when she gave me a big ol'hug

"Thanks for making me laugh." Aww, she's so cute sometimes. Like a little girl…*sniff.*

"Of course, what else are big brothers for?" I asked hugging her back.

She was about to answer that when a shot her look that said "Don't finish that thought." She simply smiled at me and walked back inside. Guess I'll just head back to the bungalow now and wait for Kairi. You guys probably want to know how we even got that thing huh? Well it's sorta a long story…

First off, I'm not rich, so we didn't just buy the bungalow outta the blue; actually we've had the bungalow ever since I was about five or six; it just didn't look as nice as it does now. My dad and uncle built me, Riku, and Kairi our very own little clubhouse to play around in. I still remember how mad Kairi and I got when my Dad said that we'd be the ones to be the mommy and daddy when we play house, ha-ha the look on our faces. Anyway, so we friggin' _loved_ that clubhouse all throughout our childhood, but unfortunately as time goes on you kinda outgrow things, and when we were 13 we outgrew our little clubhouse; _literally_. Now any _normal_ parents would've just sold it or scrapped it or whatever…but my Dad is _far_ from normal, and me and my friends still loved that little house to death. So one day I looked up at my dad, gave him the most pathetic looking pout I could muster, and asked if he could make our clubhouse bigger. He gave me a look, flashed me a smile, flexed his muscles and said:

"Sora, your Dad can do just about anything. Just say the word and I'll fix that old clubhouse good as new for you and your friends."

I miss the days when my Dad and I were like that…uh, I mean…never mind. Anyway, after about three years the little house got too small again so me and my friends decided to take it upon ourselves to make it bigger; which turned out to be harder than we thought. It took some time, money, manual labor, and a **lot** of lawn mowing, but we finally finished it around the beginning of summer last year. We actually stayed in it that summer too, but found that we couldn't exactly live _comfortably_ in it…well comfortably probably isn't the right word; more like we couldn't live in it without _boredom_. We literally had nothing to do in it, so about half way through the summer we asked my parents if we could have electricity installed into the bungalow. They _immediately_ shot down the idea, but we all kept at it and I'm proud to say that by the end of summer they caved-in and paid to have the electricity from the house also go to the bungalow (I swear they were crying when they handed the check over to the electrician). The only downside to the electricity is that I won't be getting a car (or a license for that matter) anytime soon, but hey that's fine by me; who needs a car when you got two friends that'll be your chauffeur?

Speaking of the bungalow, I'm there right now; basking in its awesomeness! I've been waiting for Kairi for about…mmm, twenty minutes now? Okay so it was more like five, but can you blame me? I was starting to get super bored and _really_ annoyed.

"Jeez, what's taking her so long? It shouldn't take an hour-" just as I said that Kairi walked into the bungalow carrying a basket of clothes. Correction, she walked into the bungalow carrying a basket of clothes wearing my shirt. Correction again; she walked into the bungalow carrying a basket of clothes wearing my shirt _and nothing else_ (okay she might've been wearing underwear but she definitely had no pants)! I stared in awe as she just waltzed right in and waved to me really fast like she didn't just walk in practically _naked_! I was so in shock that I actually _watched_ her go all the way to her room; my mouth hanging wide open. After she closed her door, I realized what I was doing and just turned my head toward the TV; my face becoming extremely warm. Yeah, I know; I'm such a creeper.

About a minute later, she came back (thankfully with a full set of clothes on) and threw my shirt back in my face. I guess she saw how I was looking at her and was a little peeved about it.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your shirt." She said with a smirk.

"Let you?! You came into my room when I was sleeping on the couch and took it outta my closet!" I said with sarcastic venom in my voice. Seriously Kairi, who do you think your fooling?

"Hey, just 'cause I didn't ask doesn't mean you didn't let me borrow it. I mean what am I gonna do, steal it for myself?" She jokingly questioned as she got a water bottle from the mini-fridge.

"Maybe, it _is_ my favorite shirt for a reason; it's comfortable, soft, _and_ pretty bad ass looking." I said with a…you know what do you even need to hear me say it? And yes, that shirt _is_ B-A! I mean it's a shirt with a Dragon made outta fire; fighting a tiger made outa rocks and their blood splatters are rocks breaking off the tiger and giant spouts of fire jumping off the Dragon. To me that **defines** badass.

"Well you got me on that, but I'm living here for the summer. Where would I take it, my house? It's not even worth the walk to steal that shirt." She said almost sarcastically, and took a big swig of her water bottle.

"Y'know, I don't whether to be insulted or relieved to hear that." I joked.

We shared a small laugh after that and just sat quietly for a bit. I looked over at her and was about to say something, but stopped when I noticed something about Kairi. She was really pretty.

I know I stated she was hot ("smoking hot" I think were my exact words), but to me hot and pretty are on two completely different levels. And right now, Kairi was looking pretty uh…pretty. She has this vibrant, deep-red hair that makes her stand out in a crowd of people; especially outside when it's sunny out and her hair shines in the light. Her skin has a tannish complexion, but it's not one that's overbearing or strange; to put it simply: it's the perfect tan. She has this small, dainty build (but trust me; that build is a **lie**) which gives her this really great figure; even _through _all the boys clothes. But I think the prettiest thing that Kairi has, outta _all_ that, is her eyes. They're this kinda blue-ish indigo color, extremely vibrant, and something else…It's kinda hard to describe, but when you look into her eyes you get this…warm sensation shooting through your body; like someone put a giant blanket around you and set you by a fire. All in all, she's really pretty, so she's got _that_ going for her. Now all that's left is that personality of hers, but if you can get around that she'd be totally date-able…n-not that _I_ want to date her, I just meant in general.

I must've been staring longer than I thought cause the next thing I knew; there was a fist hitting my shoulder and a snickering Kairi sitting beside me.

"Jeez Sora; Take a picture next time it'll last longer…and it probably won't hit you." She said, still snickering about me looking at her.

"Dude, even if I had a camera _connected to me_ I wouldn't take a picture of you!" I retorted.

"Please, you know you want a piece of _this_!" She gestured to her entire body when she said that, which kinda embarrassed me (since I sorta _did_ admit that to being true).

"Shaddap." I stated turning my head away from her to hide the embarrassing color on my face. Suddenly I felt my neck being slightly crushed under the strong (but dainty) arm of my friend.

"Aw, did I embarrass little Sora? Were my thoughts a little too dirty for his innocent little mind?" I was going to shoot another comeback at her when something dawned on me.

"Hey Kairi, what time is it?" she looked at me for a sec; then pulled out her phone (with me still in a headlock) and we both checked the time. It was about five minutes after Riku was supposed to get his lazy ass outta bed. Kairi and I looked at each other and grinned evilly.

"So Brain, what are we gonna do this morning?" I asked trying my best to sound like Pinky (and succeeded).

"The same thing we do every morning Pinky," Kairi played along "Try to wake up Riku!"

* * *

"Aw, he looks like a sleeping _angel_." Kairi jokingly cooed. Yeah a real angel alright; complete with drooling mouth, pillow groping, and a dangling blanket over his shoulder and through his legs. I will never know how that happened.

"Yup, he sure does. How are we gonna wake him up?" I asked in my normal volume. Don't worry; Riku won't wake up. It'd take a **train** to wake him up…and that's only if it ran over his hair.

"Hmm, let's see…How about cold water on his face?" Kairi suggested.

"Nah, too cliché; plus he'd probably make us wash his sheets and stuff."

"Yeah, that's probably true."

"Maybe cold ice in his pants?"

"It'd work, but I'm pretty sure he still wants kids so that's a no."

"Yeah, then he'd probably curse me to have horribly deformed kids or something."

We kept racking our brains to find _the_ most obnoxious, loudest thing that Riku would absolutely…I GOT IT!

"KAIRI!" I shouted

"Shush, Sora! We don't want to ruin the plan!" oops, right guess I forgot.

"That's just it; I thought of what we could do!"

"What is it?"

"What's the _one_ thing that Riku hates more than anything else?"

"That would be getting rick roll'd." yeah I know; kinda stupid, but hey at least it's something that involves sound; we couldn't troll him as badly if it didn't.

"Exactly, and what do we know about Riku when he's sleeping?

"He talks in his sleep and imagines—I think I see where this is going…it's a great idea!" She said with an evil grin.

"Good so you understand the plan?"

"Sure do, now set it up I'll just wait here for you."

I walked over to my sleeping friend and got really close to him so I could talk in his ear.

"Hey there Riku."

"Oh hey Sora, how's it going?" he said in a tired voice.

"Pretty good, except your beating me in this game of horse we're playing."

"That's 'cause you can't get on my level." I laughed inwardly at that one, though I really can't beat him at horse, damn trick shots.

"Yeah, I know. Hey, check that out Riku; there's some hottie checking you out right now!" I said in false enthusiasm.

"What, where? I don't see her." He said still in a tired voice; proof that he's still sleeping.

"She's over there, at nine o'clock." He turned his head a little in his sleep, obviously looking for the "girl of his dreams."

"Oh, I see her now. Wow, she _is_ really hot."

"C'mon let's go talk to her."

"Okay."

"Oh, she's turning around; she must've heard us talking."

"Awesome, now it takes less effort."

"Sure does. Dude, you ready for this she's turning around, she's almost looking at you!"

"Sweeeeeeet."

"You ready for this?" I said while backing up toward Kairi, getting ready to _the_ greatest rick roll of our lives. "She'll be turned around in 3…2…1!" Kairi and I started to sing in unison at the tops of our lungs.

"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP! NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN! NEVER GONNA TURN AROUND AND DESERT YOU!"

The look on Riku's was…so…priceless! It was like a cross between completely disgusted, utterly infuriated, and **totally terrified**!

"WHAT THE FUCK! GODDAMMIT YOU GUYS; CUT THAT SHIT OUT BEFORE I RIP YOUR SPINE THROUGH YOU CHEST AND SMASH YOUR RIBS!"

We stopped singing alright, but that was so we could start **laughing**! It was just _too_ funny; such an over-reaction deserves a medal of some kind. Riku threw a pillow in my face to get me to stop laughing; didn't work.

"SHUT UP you guys! I hate you guys so much right now! Remind me to _kill_ you both later." Riku scowled.

"Sure thing R…Riku. But first, I…ha…I would like to give you this Emmy for such a great performance; HAHAHA!" my sides are still splitting from that one. I just couldn't stop laughing.

"You…you need…ha-ha…you need to see the look on your face, it's too good to be **true**! HA-haha-ha!" Riku turned to his desk mirror to look at his face and he even _he_ couldn't help laughing at his own stupid expression.

"I look like I wanna rip someone's heart out!"

"Actually I think it was more like 'I'm going to rip out your spine through your chest and break your ribs,' so you skipped over the heart."

"Shaddap, so what'd you guys wake me up for anyway?"

Kairi and I looked at each other extremely confused.

"Dude, do you know what time it is?"

"Nah, not really; is there something important going on?"

"Uh, Riku…you have class in like fifteen minutes."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Riku turned over in his bed to look at his clock and saw (probably) that Kairi was right.

"Shit, shit, shit, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiit! I gotta get ready; I gotta fuckin' go!" Riku repeated that little mantra _all_ throughout his morning routine, to which Kairi and I got a front row seat. And before you even **start**; it is not gay to watch your best friend get dressed in the morning…okay it's a little gay, **but** if you've ever _seen_ Riku without his shirt you'd be staring at him too, **regardless** of your gender. I mean he's got this long, silver-colored hair that falls in front of his face; giving him this edgy, emotionally battered kinda look (and from what I hear; chicks dig that) and these bright-blue eyes that draw you in. His skin is…okay y'know when I said Kairi had a perfect tan? I lied; she has a _near_ perfect tan; Riku has a _perfect_ tan. I mean the man's fucking **bronzed **his tan is so good! Oh, and don't even get me started on his muscles 'cause to put it plainly; you can grind **beef** on _four_ of his _eight_ abs (although he's a bit lanky, he's got some well-defined muscles)! Oh yeah, there is a damn **reason** he's the captain, closer, and _the_ best slugger of our high school baseball team; man's friggin' **god-like**!

After collecting everything he needed from his room he was about to leave, when he stopped and asked:

"Do you guys think I have enough time to shower?" Oh boy, time for another sarcastic joke!

"Well seeing as how your version of a 'short shower' is thirty minutes long; I'd say probably not."

If he weren't in such a hurry he'd probably laugh at that, at least chuckle at it, but all I got was an agitated "Urgh" and a middle finger as he ran out the door. Oh well, easy come easy go I guess (I have no idea if that fits but I just don't care enough to bother with it). So now I was alone with Kairi yet again. We looked at each other for a second before walking to the living room and plopping our happy asses down on the couch.

"So now what?" Kairi was the first of us to speak

"I don't know Dude, Riku's gone and there's no one around to annoy for entertainment."

"Geez, its times like these that I actually missed school"

"Kairi, don't ever say that! That's a bad word…er, phrase!" I said in a mockingly-parental tone.

"Well then Mr. Boredom-breaker," she said sarcastically "What do you suppose we do?"

I racked my brain for a bit, and then I remembered a key detail from yesterday that needed some attention.

"Well Kairi," I said with a cheeky smirk-turned-grin "there is _one_ thing I can think of."

* * *

Grr, I shoulda never said anything about our rematch. So I lost again in a best two outta three match. I mean it was on the third match, but I still lost; I even used my best character and tried _so very hard_ to beat her. I think the worst part was that I made that **stupid** bet with her. Damn me and my overconfidence sometimes.

"Alright Sora, I won so now what is it that you have to tell me?"

"Fuck that, I'm not doing it. It was a stupid bet anyway."

"Sora, you're the one who came up with the bet; you _have_ to follow through with it. We even shook hands on it." Oh no, you're _not_ getting me to say that stuff.

"As the one who came up with bet, I can choose whether or not to call it off after the hand shake; so Neh!" I said sticking out my tongue.

"Okay, you asked for it." The next thing I knew I was in yet another of Kairi's headlocks of death.

"Still…not…sayin' it." I managed to choke out.

"Sora let me ask you something. Which is worse; admitting defeat in _private_ between just _you_ and _me_ or having to do it in public while wearing some tighty-whities and googley-eye glasses as the _entire_ school watches?" Wow that's some _real_ sadistic shit. Seriously, I think this hits a whole new level of _evil_.

"Okay…okay…I give, I give!" She let go of me, obviously proud of her accomplishment to get me to do one of the most embarrassing things in my life, **but** it's better than doing this in public.

"Alright, now get down on your knees," I did as was commanded "now take my hands."

"Whoa, that wasn't part of the bet."

"Look either grab my hands now, or do it in pub-"

"Okay, okay; I get already. I'm grabbing them now, jeez!" what is with her and being so damn demanding?!

"Now, I believe you have something you need to say to me…" She smirked as I let out a long sigh and began to regret _ever_ wanting a rematch. I looked up at her began to speak.

"I am a worthless toad." She began chuckling and snickering as I started to say this ridiculous, stupid, idiotic…thing. I really don't know what else to call it.

"You are the greatest person I've ever met" Now her snickering went into full on laughter.

"You are a superior human being." Someone please kill me.

"I will never meet someone as amazing as you in this or any other life time." Now her laughter seemed to die down a bit.

"I love you and I want to bear your children." Then it picked right back up…though this time it didn't sound the same. I sounded more like a giggle than a laugh (a horrible, mocking, and sinister laugh), but that's impossible because Kairi doesn't giggle (I'm pretty sure she's actually physically incapable of doing that).

I let out my final sigh of defeat as I bowed my head down and Kairi's mocking laughs came back at full force. No way was I gonna let Kairi beat me this easily. I quickly thought of a devious plot and put it into action.

"Well, that was fun." She said as if nothing unusual happened. She tried to leave, but I held onto her hands so she couldn't move. Then I pulled her in toward me (I actually almost made our foreheads smack together, luckily I have _great_ reflexes), grabbed her by the shoulders, and looked straight in her eyes. She looked so confused I almost broke out into laughter, but I had plan and was going to see it through to the end.

"Kairi, will you marry me?" I asked, trying my best to make it sound real. All she did was sit there for a moment, shocked and confused at what I asked. Then her face turned a really bright red.

"Wha…wha…what?" she asked. And then I just started to laugh and laugh and laugh! My sides were gonna split right open. And Kairi was just so _pissed_. How do I know she was pissed? Well, as I was laughing at her, Kairi was screaming at me and kicking me really hard (seriously if she kicked any harder, she probably would've broken my ribs.)

"SORA, YOU ASSHOLE! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

"HA-HAHA-HA…OW…HA-HA-HA-HAHA-HA-HAHAHA-HAHA…OW…HA-AH!" I was laughing so hard not even her bone-shattering kicks could stop me! It was just too funny!

"I FUCKING HATE YOU SORA!" She was starting to walk away, and I didn't want her to stay mad at me, so I figured I'd apologize…if I could stop laughing.

"Kai…ha…Kairi wait! I'm…haha…I'm sorry! Really I am, but you have to admit you kinda set yourself up for that one! I mean c'mon, having me hold your hands while I told you I loved you? Besides, it's only fair that I get you back for that whole thing, so I think we're even huh?"

She thought about for a moment and then she started laughing too. This lasted for about, mmm…two minutes maybe before we both calmed down.

"O-okay Sora, I think all is forgiven now, right?"

"Yeah, all is forgiven."

"So, now what are we gonna do, it's only like twelve and Riku doesn't get back until four."

I put my hand to my chin and went through everything that was in my head for options that day. We could go to the park, but it's supposed to be really hot today (like a hundred degrees) and that'll just ruin it for me. I was also hungry so we needed somewhere with food, preferably of the _free_ variety. I Puzzled and puzzled until my puzzler was sore (yay Dr. Seuss!) then I got an idea. Actually, I just remembered I wanted to go to Roxas' house earlier when I saw Xion.

"How about we head over to Roxas' house? I'm sure him and Naminé are having some quality private time and I have a duty to ensure that they have as little of that as possible!" I grinned. Yeah, I know you knew that already, I just like to tell you these things okay?

"Hey, yeah. We never did get to finish our conversation yesterday. Now would be a great time!"

"What, you mean when you said you hate science?"

"Yes, that's _exactly_ what I was talking about Sora." Kairi, sarcasm's _my_ thing; you can't go and use it like that against me.

"So then what _did_ you two talk about yesterday then?"

"It was a report that we have to do about the island of Nun-ya…" wait let me guess.

"Nun-ya BUISNESS!" Kairi and I said in unison.

"You know Kairi, you're _way_ too predictable."

She was going to say something back to me (I'm sure of it), but before she could get an argument outta her mouth, the door to the bungalow opened, and behind it was…my Mom.

"Oh, hey Mom."

"Hi Ms. Aerith."

She looked at us and smiled; nodding her head.

"Hello you two, what have you been up to?"

"Oh, nothing much; you're little boy here just admitted he loved me and proposed to me, that's all." I froze when I heard Kairi say that. My Mom did _not_ need to get the wrong idea about me and Kai—

"Oh, so you beat him in something again? What was it this time" Or my mom will totally brush it off like Kairi _didn't_ say the most awkward thing in the universe to her about her son…y'know what; girls are weird.

"Yeah I did, and it was just a video game." Kairi answered, _still_ acting like she didn't say the strangest thing to date.

"Well that's good, sometimes he needs and ego check, that one."

"Hey I'm right here you know."

"Yes I know, and I have a question for you. Are you planning on going anywhere today?"

"Well yeah actually, Me and Kairi were planning on going over to Roxas' house to hang out with him. Didn't Xion already tell you that?" I'm pretty sure I told Xion that'd be where I was headed today if I was going anywhere.

"Yes she did, but that was at about ten this morning, I just wanted to make sure you were still going to be here." Oh, okay that explains it.

"So what do you need Sora for, if you don't mind me asking that is." I really don't understand why Kairi acts so differently around my Mom. Whenever my mom is in the same room as Kairi she gets all quiet and respectful; it just doesn't make any sense.

"Oh, no special reason; I just wanted him to clean his room because it's still a pigsty from when you guys moved _all_ his stuff from his room to here, but I suppose you can do it later since you'll have nothing but time…" My mom kinda trailed off into her own little world for a second (strange I know, but that's just what my family is; strange). "Anyway, I'll see you later then Sora; have fun at Roxas' house okay hon?" she said while exiting the bungalow.

"Sure Mom, I will. See you later!" and after that she left.

"Okay Kairi, I have some business to attend to in the house," that's our code for 'I gotta pee' "so you can call Roxas or Naminé and tell them were coming; sound cool?"

"Yeah, yeah just hurry it up will ya? I'd like to get there before my stomach starts to eat itself for nourishment." Kairi joked.

I nodded and told her I'd be back in a sec. I quickly ran to the house and handled my business. When I was walking back out, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with someone.

"When will you be home? At three? Alright then I'll—Hmm? No, it's just that Olette is coming over, and I just wanted to make sure Xion has a car to take Olette home tomorrow since I have to go into the clinic early…" And that's when I stopped listening. Olette coming over isn't anything new by the way, I've just always been at home when she got here (Riku likes to joke that I'm stalking her, but he's an asshole so I ignore him). I headed back to the bungalow, trying to find a way to get out of going to Roxas' with Kairi…Okay maybe "get out of" isn't the right phrase; 'cause I still plan on _going_ I just want to try and spend some time with Olette. I gotta at least _try_ and get her to notice me, right? When I got back to the bungalow I still had no excuse to stay here.

"Hey Dude, just got off the phone with Roxas. He said that it was cool with him, he and Naminé are just kinda hanging out right now."

"Oh, okay cool…hey Kairi?" I asked trying to be as normal as possible

"Huh?"

"Can you go there without me? I mean, I just figured that…" C'mon Sora you gotta think of something; what did mom want again…GOT IT! "I just figured that I should go ahead and clean my room like mom asked me to. So you can go to Roxas' without me and tell them I'll be there as soon as I can okay?"

"Sure, but I gotta say I'm surprised to see you want to stay behind to clean," I'll have to cringe at that thought later "there wouldn't be a _different_ reason you wanna stay here; would there?" Oh shit, she might have caught me. I know this might sound crazy but Kairi _hates_ getting ditched; especially at the last minute. If she found out I was staying behind for Olette she'd probably chop me up into hundreds of tiny bits, spread them all over Destiny Island and then convince my family that I didn't even exist (Kairi is a _firm_ believer in "Bros Before Hoes" as you can tell)! It's okay man; just play it cool; play it cool.

"Nah, I just figured that I'd clean my room now so I don't have to do it later; trying to kick that procrastination habit and all. I'll still be there; just a minute or two behind ya, that's all. Why do ya ask; you gonna miss me or something?" Wow, even _I'm_ impressed on how I put that; usually I'd break down and start apologizing. Must be getting better at this whole "lying" thing…but I'm not gonna make a habit out of it I swear!

"W-what? Pfft no, w-why the hell would I miss some lazy dumbass like you for more than a minute?" Kairi stated while turning away from me (again proving my point that girls are weird, I mean did she really need to turn around?) "Anyway, I guess I'll head up to Roxas' for now. Later, dude." And with that Kairi exited the bungalow and left me all by myself.

"Alright, so now what am I gonna do?"

* * *

So do you see what I meant by wordy? If you didn't...let me put it this way: I wrote two full descriptions, a story for explanation, and a _lot_ of dialogue. THAT is wordy if I've ever seen it. Other than that how do you guys and gals feel about it? Like it? Hate it? Want to make love to it? Tell me your answer in the review section...unless it was for that last question, in which case you can call me personally; I'll give a _real_ story to get all up on. ;) HAHA Just kidding. But seriously tell me your thoughts, suggestions, and anything else you wanna tell me 'cause fairly soon I'm gonna need all of your help in this...ladies. I'm actually serious I will need some girl power for this later; but we'll save that for a later date. And as I said before this next part will be up soon, so look out for it.

Thanks for reading guys, you're all beautiful, I love you all, will you marry me. XD Have a terrific day slash night slash morning slash afternoon slash evening!


	3. How to Troll Someone Awake part B

Hey everyone, I'm back with a brand new message: I'M SORRY! SO VERY, VERY SORRY! Words cannot express how Sorry I am for getting this out so late! Not that it was finished this whole time, but I had plenty of time to finish it. Sorry, so sorry. Alright last apology; FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Okay so with that outta the way I'm glad to report this is the last of chapter two. I make no promises on when chapter 3 will be out, but it will be out (I'm finishing this fic even if it kills me!). So without further delay; here's She's Such a Guy Lesson 2 Part B!

Disclaimer: Go back to chapter 1 if you don't remember it; 'cause dat shiz still stands. XD ENJOY~!

* * *

She's Such a Guy…

Lesson 2: How to Troll Someone Awake.

Part B

"Sora, what are you still doing home; I though you going to Roxas' house?" My Mom asked as soon as I walked through the door. I better think up another lie (It really _is_ starting to become a habit).

"Well, I uh…have some tough homework that I gotta do, so I told Kairi that I'll be over there when I finished with it." Alright that should work; now to get to—

"Wait, if that's the case then why didn't you go with Kairi to get the work done faster? That way there'll be four of you working on it at the same time." Y'know sometimes I wish moms weren't this smart.

"Uh, yeah that's true, but this is some science homework I got and you know how Kairi and them feel about science."

"True; science isn't there strong point…But it _is_ one of _your_ strong points so why-"

"That should tell how tough this homework is. That's essentially why I stayed home for a bit, plus I figure that if I get done early enough I'll clean my room."

"Oh, well okay then Sora. I'm going to work late tonight and your father isn't coming home until five; so if you have to-" I cut her short with a smile.

"Don't worry; I'll cook something for dinner if you dad can't; I swear the man cook _worse_ than Kairi."

"Now that's my little chef." She said as she patted my head like I was still five. Moms are _so_ embarrassing; I swear.

"Mom, was that totally necessary?" I whined. She gave me a hug and looked me in the eyes.

"Completely necessary sweetie; anyway I have to go to work now. I'll see you tonight."

Whew, she's gone! Now with that crisis averted, what am I gonna do until Xion gets home? Guess I'll at least _look_ at the damage in my room. I quickly ran upstairs and went straight to my door. I carelessly flung it open expecting a mildly dirty room (my mom's a neat freak so I figure a 'pigsty' to her is like one or two pieces of dirty clothes on the floor), but as I did something hit my foot. I looked up at my room and found the filthiest room I had ever seen. Clothes, dirty or otherwise, scattered throughout the room; old toys from like nine years ago in huge piles on the floor; loose wires from controllers and other electronics that we just didn't feel like carrying, but the worst of it was where my bed used to be. Riku and I took apart my bed so we could put it into the bungalow, and underneath it was apparently over six years build-up of garbage, dirty clothes, old toys, and food that was never finished…okay it wasn't _that_ bad but other than the food everything I said was there really _was_ there. I looked at the clock; which read 12:01. I sighed and said to myself: "This is gonna be a long day…" before beginning the tortuous cleaning.

* * *

I-I did it…I-I finished the room…after _hours_ of toiling I finished the room! I lay on the floor after my cleaning was done; trying to recover what little strength I had left in me. I turned my head to my clock; it now said it was 3:13. Wait…OH SHIT IT'S ALREADY THREE O'CLOCK! I MUST HAVE LIKE 300 MESSAGES FROM KAIRI, OH MAN SHE'S GONNA KILL ME! I checked all my pockets trying to find my phone, but it just wasn't there.

"Okay where's my phone?!" I asked the invisible man standing in the room…yes that was joke.

I looked around the room hoping to find it on my nightstand or on my dresser, but it wasn't there. I racked my brain for answers; trying to remember where I had it last, and then it hit me. My phone was dying from trying to find signal at school (yeah, I know my phone sucks), so I put it on the charger last night before that dumb movie started. I ran outta my room, down the stairs, out the back door and straight into the bungalow. When I got to my room, I yanked my phone right off the charger and turned the screen on to find…I had **zero** messages on my phone. Wow, I can just _feel_ the _love_ my friends have for me right now. I sent them a text ('cause y'know I wanna show them _I_ care about _them_) telling them that I was done cleaning and would be there as soon as I could. I went back in the house to try and find something to eat; I missed lunch so I was completely _starved_, but what I found instead was Xion and another girl; one with brown hair and pig-tails.

"Does the TSP mean 'teaspoon' or 'tablespoon?" asked Xion. Seriously Xion, I thought I taught you better than _that?_

"Uh, I don't really know, so maybe it's a tablespoon?" said the other girl (who if you haven't guessed by now is Olette) swinging around a table spoon in the air…as in a _literal_ table spoon; y'know the kind you _put on a table_? I have to stop this before it goes too far.

"Hold on second guys," I said loudly causing the girls to jump "I'm almost one-hundred and five percent _positive_ that TSP stands for teaspoon, _and_…" I took the spoon from Olette before any damage could be done (I'm hoping that me smiling the whole time makes her think I'm _not_ a psycho control-freak) "This is, I'm pretty sure, _not_ what a table spoon looks like." I guess I said something pretty funny 'cause she started to giggle. Wow it's so hot in here; I feel like I'm burning up.

"So what are you guys trying to cook?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was extremely nervous. Hey, you'd be nervous too if the person _you_ liked since you were fourteen was standing **right next to you**!

"We were trying to make some of these," Xion handed me a piece of paper with a recipe on it "They're chicken spiral sandwiches; they looked yummy so we tried to make them but…"

"Lemme guess, you got to the ingredients and didn't understand a thing, huh?" I asked mockingly.

"Shut up Sora, not all of us are super amazing chefs like you." Xion retorted.

"Wow Xion, did I ever tell you how _great_ you are at come backs? I feel _so_ insulted right now." I chuckled. Xion is a little too nice to make good comebacks, but whatever it just means that I always win these joke arguments.

"Shut your mouth Sora. Now are you gonna help us make these stupid things or not?" she barked.

"Sure, I'll _help_ you guys, Mom asked me to do make dinner for us anyways." And by 'helping' I _apparently_ meant that I'll be making this entire dish by myself. I really don't mind though, I mean it _is_ for my little sister and Olette (the girl of my dreams), so it's a win-win situation. I help my little sister cook and I get to impress Olette with my cooking skills!

After I took over, and asked Xion to collect all the ingredients, the two girls were pretty quiet for a while; neither one spoke until I was putting the bread on some plastic wrap.

"Okay then, I guess I'll just head to my room since you two seem to have this under control. I'll be in there if you need me…y'know…my room…I'll be heading there…if you-"

"Okay, okay; we get it all ready Xion. Will you just leave already?" Olette giggled (though does anyone else feel like that was more like a threat than a statement?) and I guess turned back toward the counter.

"R-right…I'll just…yeah…" that was all Xion said before disappearing upstairs.

The rest of the time I cooked was pretty much silent. I tried to make conversation, but my mouth didn't exactly want to work with what I was trying to say, instead it closed tighter _every time_ I tried to open it. C'mon, just let me talk to her, please? I just want to make polite conversation! I swear to god mouth if you don't work I'll—

"So, uh…do you…do you like cooking Sora?" Um, did she just ask me a question? I…I'm not dreaming am I? I'd pinch myself to be sure, but on the off chance that I **am** awake I'd rather not look like a crazy person.

"Uh…y-yeah I do actually…it's, uh…it's sorta a hobby of mine, so I'd say I enjoy it…" Holy CRAP! I just talked to Olette! I can die happy now; I overcame one of my biggest fears. Life is sweet.

"Oh, that's cool…"

"Yeah…" C'mon Sora, continue the damn conversation! "H-How about you; do you like…y'know cooking." Alright, looks like I'm on a roll!

"Well…I like to cook; I'm just not the best at it. I _can_ cook though, but my cooking _really_ shines when I cook stuff with directions already printed on it for me." Wow, a pretty girl _and_ has a sense of humor? Somebody call heaven; I think they're missing an angel. I laughed at her joke (maybe a little too strongly) before lettering her continue.

"Anyway, I never really learned how to cook from anyone in the house since mom was always busy with work and my dad well… he wouldn't know a hot dog from a burger, y'know?"

"Yeah, my dad's kinda the same way…just not _that_ bad; he can at least grill pretty well. So why not learn now, are you parents still that busy?" I asked honestly curious with no plan to try and have her spend more time with me by helping her do something (it's the truth I swear!).

"Well they aren't as busy as they were then, but they're probably still too busy to teach me to cook. Honestly I don't know where to even start…" just what I was hoping to hear. Oh, don't look so horrified; it's not like I'm tricking her to like me I'm just…I'm just doing my duty as a good person is all!

"Well…y'know I could, uh…I could always teach you how to cook…i-i-if that's okay with you; that is…" I mumbled (please, please, **please** tell me she heard that).

"Really? That'd be awesome Sora! Thank you so much." As she thanked me she gave me a hug, and I…pretty much melted away in her arms. The whole situation caught me off guard, so instead of hugging her back or telling her she's welcome or anything else that could possibly up my chances with dating her; I just stood there like an idiot and said "Uh…" smooth Sora, _real_ smooth. She quickly let go of me and ignored the fact (at least I _think_ she ignored it) that I didn't hug her back.

"So uh,…yeah whenever you wanna start your cooking lessons just uh, tell Xion and we'll set up some kinda…appointment" I suggested almost as a question (yeah wrap your head around that). She giggled at that.

"That's a good idea, but uh…w-why don't I just give _you_ my number. That way we, uh…we don't have to burden your sister with being a middle man…" wait she's gonna give me her number? SHE'S GONNA GIVE ME HER NUMBER!? Life…is good!

"Really? S-s-sure, that makes sense, so uh…h-here's my phone. You can get my number from Xion later…I guess." I stated nervously. When I looked back at her she was holding out her phone; smiling with a slight blush on her face.

"What's the fun in exchanging phone numbers if you can't give them to each other personally?" she said cheerily.

"Heh, I guess you're right." I grinned at her while taking her phone to put my number in it. My number in Olette's phone; somehow that just sounds so right. **Not** like that! Friggin' perverts…

After I had finished putting my number in her…alright not finishing that sentence; I can already hear the snickering from you guys. Anyway, after I gave her my cell number, I returned her phone to her and she gave me back mine. We just stood there for a while, kinda just awkwardly shuffling our feet. Then I remembered I was supposed to be cooking some kind of sandwich or something.

"Oh wait the sandwiches, I forgot about them!" I looked back to them. They were almost finished; all that was left was to wrap them. Y'know, I _could_ use some help with these.

"Alright Olette, let's see if you can roll a sandwich." I said smiling and motioning over to the counter.

"Oh, o-okay I think I can do that." She said nervously while we walked over to the sandwiches.

"Alright, rolling them is pretty simple; you just take a long end of the sandwich, fold it to the middle, and roll from the fold up." I explained while doing my own instructions.

"Okay, got it." she stated.

I know this is pretty sick of me to say and all, but I wish Olette was just a _little_ less perfect. I mean if she wasn't just so perfect, I could've attempted to do something suave or smooth; like taking her hands to physically show her how to roll the sandwiches, and then we'd look deeply into each other's eyes until we were so caught up in our emotions that we…er getting off track. Anyway, but no she rolls them perfectly every time (so none of that generic romantic crap I seem to love so much). After we finished rolling the sandwiches, we (meaning Olette and me) carried them upstairs. There was a comfortable silence between us as we journeyed upstairs _together _(as you may have gathered, I am FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THAT!). When we got to Xion's room; I knocked on the door.

"I got finished with your lunch Xion; I hope your right about it being good because Olette helped me cook the damn things. Plus it'd be insulting to me as a future cook to make a bad dish." I mocked.

"Thanks, and shut up Sora. Olette did you really help him cook?" said Xion.

"Yup…well actually I just helped him roll the sandwiches, but _I_ think it still counts." said Olette sticking her tongue out at my sister. Xion took the sandwiches from my brunette angel with a smirk on her face.

"Oh really; _that's_ what counts as cooking these days? I remember when getting burns on your arms from the oven lid and cuts on your fingers from a knife meant you could cook. What are the culinary arts coming to?"

"How exactly would _you_ know what it means to be a cook sis? You can't even tell a tablespoon from a measuring cup!" I joked.

"I just remember that it was much harder for you before food you made was even _considered_ cooking."

"I'll have you know that rolling those sandwiches _was_ hard, at least for me."

"I'm sure it was, but rolling sandwiches doesn't count as cooking."

"Fine then, so I'm not a cook. But all I have to do is marry a cook, he can do all the cooking for me!" and we all started laughing (though mine was more of a nervous one since she said she'd marry a cook, can anyone say brownie points?) before going completely silent and just looking around at each other.

Then for a moment mine and Olette's eyes met, and I had an urge to move closer to her. I held back; ignored what my gut was telling me to do, but apparently Olette had other plans. She walked closer to me and placed her hands behind her back.

"I know I already told you this and all, but I just want to thank you for offering to teach me how to cook, so," She rushed forward a bit and wrapped her arms around me "Thank you, Sora." She said while holding me as tightly as possible (or so it seemed to me). I hugged her back for a second before letting go of her and looking deeply into her eyes. Everything started to get hazy and it was hard to see anything around me except Olette. I felt the space between us start to get smaller; when all of a sudden, I heard the door open and shut, and a booming voice sound through the house.

"Hey guys, I'm home early today!" shouted my dad.

* * *

"So you wanted to head to Roxas' place right?" asked my dad for the _billionth_ time. I nodded an answer to him, and began staring out the window again; trying to get rid of this annoyed feeling I have toward my dad. He couldn't have picked a _worse_ time to show up? Right when something was about to happen too…well at least I _think_ something was about to happen; it felt like something was gonna happen right?

Anyway, let me give you a quick rundown of what happened after my dad finished being a **moment killer**. After my dad probably scared the living hell outta Olette, he called me back downstairs. I ran past Olette and Xion (who had an angry look) to greet my pop and see what he needed. Turns out _I_ was the one who needed something; a ride to Roxas' house. I would've liked to stay, but as awkward as things would be after what happened (and because I couldn't think of a good excuse) I decided to just have him take me to Roxas' house.

"You sure it's only _Roxas_ you're going to see and not some _girl_ who lives nearby?" grinned my Dad.

"No dad, I'm going to Roxas' to hang out with him, Kairi, and Naminé."

"Sure son, whatever you say." I hit him lightly on the shoulder

"Shaddap Dad, you crazy old coot."

We laughed and that was the last thing that was said between us before I got to Roxas' house. He asked if I was gonna need a ride home from him. I told him no since Kairi was here, and then he mumbled something about me and Kairi; I couldn't tell what he said but I did hear him say our names. Like I said before; the man is a crazy old coot.

When I knocked on the door, instead of my blonde friend or his love-puppeteer ('cause he's her love-puppet) there was a man around the same age as my dad. He was dressed like a gothic teenager; complete with weird wolf-shaped accessories, black clothes, black shoes, black gloves, and spiky blonde hair. My uncle Cloud ladies and gentlemen.

"Hey Cloud, you know it's only like 3:30, the freaks don't come out until night." I got a smack on the head for that one

"If that's true what are you doing out in public then?" he said back with a small smile on his face.

"I can get away with it 'cause I at least _dress_ normal so nobody knows my freakiness."

"Actually neither one of you can pull off normal; people just tend to ignore the weirdos is all." said a woman with long, brown hair holding piece of paper and a pencil, and wearing actually _normal_ looking clothes (which is my aunt Tifa if you haven't guessed yet). My family is just bunch of crazy people. They both seemed to be dressed for a dinner (though one was dressed more for a _strange_ kinda dinner) in the city.

"So what's up with the clothes, you got a hot date or something uncle Cloud?"

"Yeah we're leaving right now for it actually, so if you don't mind-"

"Wait why are you guys leaving so early?" I questioned. I mean, it's weird right? It's only 3:30 and yet these guys are going to dinner? Seems a bit stra-

"PLOT DEVICE!" shouted my aunt in the middle of my thought. Cloud and I looked at her with an _extremely_ confused look on our faces.

"Two words that are ten letters total that a writer uses to advance the story. I was doing the crossword puzzle while I waited for this guy," she pointed at her wannabe- teenage husband "to finish with his stupid looking outfit and hair." giggled my aunt.

"Hey if we're going out tonight, I gotta look good right? Otherwise all the ladies would be disappointed." said Cloud while wrapping his arm around his wife.

"Oh yeah, because no woman would _ever_ find a man in his teenage son's clothes pathetic at _all_." giggled Tifa.

"Well then it's a good thing the only woman's opinion I care about is the one right here." Oh please gag me. Or gag him, whichever seems better.

"Then you should be glad to hear that I don't care what you wear; you look great to me all the time." Oh for the love of—STOP ACTING LIKE TEENAGERS IN LOVE! IT'S GETTING CREEPY!

"And you should know that-" I had stop it; I just **had** to stop the lovey-doveyness! So before Cloud could get **one more** corny line out, I cleared my throat as loudly as possible (I think I damaged my vocal cords a bit) to stop…whatever _**that**_ was from continuing. They both got beat red (again like teenagers) and looked away from each other for a sec; still linked by Cloud's arm around Tifa.

"Anyway, the _real_ reason we're going out so early is that the restaurant is outside of Twilight Town, like it's on the outskirts of the outskirts of town. So Tifa and I are gonna leave now so we can make it to the restaurant in time for our reservations."

"Roxas, Naminé, and Kairi are already inside waiting for you. We'll be gone past dinner; so if you are still here by then I already gave Roxas permission to order some pizza for you guys and the money is on the table in the kitchen. Just remember to leave some for Ven and his friends; they're coming over later today, and you _know_ how Ventus gets when he feels left out of something…" boy do I ever, the guy can't do _anything_ on his own.

"Okay Tifa, I'll make sure Roxas' remembers." I always had the better memory of the two of us anyway.

"Thanks Sora, you guys be good okay?" she said, kissing me on my head (it's sad to say but yes my aunt is taller than me). I attempted to rub it off of me as we said our goodbyes. After I saw their car disappear into the distance I entered the house to find my friends.

* * *

"Geez, what took you so long Sora?" asked a familiar blonde boy with a dumb smirk on his face as I entered the house.

"I was caught up in another one of your parents' love fests. Are they _always_ that corny?"

"Dude, corny doesn't even _begin_ to describe it. Sometimes it just sounds like stuff straight from a girly, sappy romance story, blech!"

"Dude, that has to suck!"

"It does." Whoa, he got all serious for a second!

We entered Roxas' room where Kairi and Naminé were sitting next to each other; kindly waiting for us to get in the room. Roxas shut the door behind us and I sat down close to the TV. Roxas, on the other hand, didn't sit down at all; he just put his hands against the door like he was holding back some kinda force. Without turning around he began to speak to us.

"Alright, now that we're all here…" Roxas turned around and started to speak in what I can only assume to be a Russian accent "WE CAN START SEXY PARTY NOW!" he finished standing in a way that was somehow sexual and somehow not at the same time. There was nothing but silence after he said that. He looked around the room at us; clearly confused as to why no one was laughing. After a few minutes of silence, he started to talk again; this time in his normal voice.

"What? Nobody likes my sexy party idea? Fine, you guys **suck**!" he sniveled.

"Oh, we're not against the idea of a sexy party," started Kairi "it's just that the only sexy people here are Naminé and me. For a sexy party to work, _everyone_ at the part has to be sexy, and I hate to break it to you guys, but you just aren't sexy enough."

"WHAT!" Roxas and I said in unison. I mean, I understand Roxas not being sexy, but **me**? Why I _define_ manly sexiness!

"Sorry, but you just aren't sexy; Right Naminé?"

"Well, I agree with you on _Sora_ not being sexy," ouch Naminé that one stung "but Roxas-"

"Isn't sexy, I know." Kairi finished, trying to ensure that mine and Roxas' prides were crushed.

"What, et tu Naminé? Et tu?" quoted Roxas.

I was the first one to bust out laughing; I'm not sure why but I thought it was funny as **hell**. The others soon followed and began laughing as hard as I was, which made _me_ laugh harder, which made _them_ laugh harder; until we were in a giant laughing fit.

After our laughing fit, Roxas was the first to speak again.

"So…since my _brilliant_ plan for a sexy party was ruined by a couple of **traitors**," he said with a fake angry tone "what are we gonna do now?"

We all started to rack our brains to find something to do, throwing out suggestions like 'game marathon,' or 'play twister,' even 'cuddling' was suggested (yeah Naminé got a strange look for that one…except from Roxas who was all for it; y'know since it's the closest thing to sex he'll get 'til he's married.) for like ten grueling minutes, we came up with and shot down, idea after idea, we wanted something, **anything**, that would keep us from being bored…wait…something's happening, I think it's an idea…pizza…friends…big TV…yes, **yes**, YES!

"I GOT IT!" I shouted after the entire idea passed through my brain (yeah, that's how all of my ideas are formed; shows how good of a "thinker" I am huh?).

"What?" asked all my friends in unison, with a small added line of "and can you keep it down?" by Roxas.

"I can't believe how stupid we are, I mean the answer's right in front of us!" I said.

"Great what is it?" asked Roxas

"There's like no better way to spend time with your friends than this!"

"Sounds good, now what is the plan Sora?" questioned Naminé.

"Plus, all the necessary parts of it are right here, gathered up for us." If you can't tell I'm reveling in my own idea so much I've completely for gotten that my friends are even there.

"Sora, just tell us the idea already before I punch you again!" commanded Kairi.

"I mean it's just so ob-"

"JUST SHUT UP AND TELL US YOUR PLAN ALREADY!" said my friends in unison…again…except it was more of a shout…or a screech. After I uncovered my ears to ensure another noise blast wasn't about to blowout my ear drums, I looked at them, gave them my big goofy grin, and said "Movie Night!" they all just kinda looked at me.

"C'mon, movie night! I mean Roxas' parents _always_ have some boxes of popcorn, right? And we're already ordering pizza for dinner, we have a…what was the word, plethora? Yeah plethora…plethora of movies to pick from, and to top it all off we have two **enormous** plasma-screen TVs; one 42-inch in here and a 50-inch in the living room!" sometimes I wonder where my aunt and uncle get their money

While Roxas and Naminé face-palmed out of their own dumbness, Kairi was giving a vacant stare which means she was thinking. Before I could say another word, Kairi said what I was thinking earlier.

"We're so fucking stupid." Yes, yes we are; as I pointed out earlier

So without discussing further, we all went around the house to complete the tasks we were assigned. Kairi went to collect the popcorn (after some directions from Roxas on where to look), Roxas called the pizza place to have some of that delicious Italian pie sent straight from heaven to his door…what? I really like pizza…you know what, who asked you? Anyway, that left just me and Naminé to pick out the movie, which is cool 'cause I wanted to talk to her anyway, since she's probably the only person in this house that won't kill me when I tell her what happened today. That's one of the great things about having Naminé as a friend; you can tell her anything about romantic happenings going on in your life and she'll always be happy for you (unlike two love-hating back-stabbers I know…kidding, I'm only kidding).

"So how about this one?" asked Naminé, holding up some sappy romantic movie (I could tell by the cover).

"Naminé have you forgotten how a group movie night works? 'Cause the first rule is 'don't pick a movie to make out with your boyfriend,' and that is one of those rule-breaking movies."

"Please, can we watch this one?" she asked; giving me this face that I'm _sure_ would make Roxas melt and give into her every command (luckily for me I'm not her boyfriend so it has no effect on me, heh-heh).

"Naminé, do I look like Roxas to you? No, so your little cutesy pleas won't work on me."

"Oh C'mon, be faaaaaaiiiiiir! If you give me Roxas I'll give you Kairi!"

"HEY I HEARD THAT!" shouted Naminé's trade offer from the kitchen.

"TOO BAD NOBODY CARES!" Naminé shouted back.

Kairi had no response to that…yeah, take **that** Kairi.

"So…can I be honest with you for a se-"

"Lemme guess, you stayed behind today to see Olette at your house didn't you?" she knowingly asked.

"Uh…yeah, yeah I did, but I was sorta telling the truth when I said I was cleaning my room." I quipped back weakly, trying to make seem I didn't _entirely_ ditch my friends for a girl I've barely talked to.

"uh-huh sure, so I'm guessing you wanna tell me what happened right?" sometimes I swear Naminé is a friggin' mind reader or something. She knows _way_ too much not to be…wait a second.

"You didn't tell the others the _real_ I stayed behind did you?"

"If by "others" you mean "Kairi" then no we didn't. Roxas figured out the real reason you stayed behind around the same time I did," I gave her a surprised look "oh don't act like you're not entirely predictable, I mean really you stay behind to do chores? Not if your life _depended_ on it!" She stated…kinda meanly might I add. Wonder what's got her panties in a knot?

Anyway I told Naminé what happened, making sure to give her every last detail I could. I explained how Xion and Olette were trying to use a table spoon on a recipe that called for a teaspoon, how Olette needed some help with rolling sandwiches and I did _nothing_ smooth when I could've, and of course how we almost kissed when we delivered the sandwiches upstairs, and how my dad ruined the whole thing with his moment killing powers that he has somehow got throughout his years as a dad. And I know this might sound weird to you; since I just told you how much she _loves_ to talk about this stuff, but the further I got in the story the angrier she seemed get. She didn't exactly _show_ any anger on her face (guess she's really good at keeping a straight face when she gets upset), but more like…she had like an aura of pure anger that was slowly trying to strangle me the further I got into the story. It's kinda scary.

"Anyway, after that my dad took me here and I saw what I can only describe as the cheesiest parents on the face of the planet…probably."

"Mhm, now why are you telling only me this?" my blonde gal-pal questioned.

"Because you're more than likely…no, **definitely**; the **only** one who wouldn't try and murder me in my sleep for staying behind for a girl."

"Don't be too sure of that Sora."

Ooooookay, I think that's my queue to get the fuck outta—

"I'm kidding, jeez. So what was the point of telling me all this?"

"Just letting you in on the news is all. I haven't even told you the best part yet." I whispered puffing out my chest in pride.

"And the best part would be…?" questioned Roxas' string-holder.

"I actually managed to get her number! She even wants me to call her sometime soon!" I bragged.

"Really, why is that?" She questioned. But the way she said it made it sound like the only way I could even hope to get her number was to trick her into giving it to me or forcing her to give me it! Jeez, and here I thought she'd be happy for me.

"Well technically she wants me to call her for cooking lessons. But hey, at least it's something right?"

"I suppose, I just don't see why your so hung up on Olette."

What, hung up on Olette? Me? No way; It's not being hung up on someone if you feel the way I do about Olette, right? Of course not.

"It's not being hung up on someone if you feel a certain way about a person. I mean I don't say your hung up on Roxas do I?" I knowingly asked Naminé. She paused for a moment (which I took as me winning the argument) so I was about to continue my argument, but I accidentally cut her off from what she was about to say.

"Listen Sora-"

"And another thi-" yeah, I might be a bit too impulsive in an argument. I should really try to calm things down a bit.

"Sorry about that Naminé, didn't mean to cut you off."

"No it's fine; you go ahead and finish what you were going to say." Ha, no your gonna finish what _you_ have to say first; just in case it's a counter argument.

"Naminé my dear, as a gentleman I can't let you let me say something before you finish a statement." Ha gentleman rules, gotcha now girly. You can't say no to **that** miss prim and proper.

"Oh, but its not okay to let the lady pick out the movie she wants?" Touche Naminé, touche.

"Sorry, group rules always trump gentleman rules." BOOM in ya face.

"Fine, fine whatever. Anyway I was just gonna say that..." ...well Nami? You gonna finish that sentence?

" You were gonna say that...?"

"I was gonna say that...maybe we shouldn't talk about Olette right now, since we don't want Kairi to hear us." Oh snap, she right.

"Yeah, that's true. She'd probably kill me if she heard any of our conversation." I probably shouldn't have said that, 'cause as soon as those words left my mouth; 1. my foot was jammed into it, and 2. Naminé's normally kind happy smile turned into a wicked menacing grin.

"Ooooooooooooooh, she _would_, would she? You know, sometimes It's kinda hard for me to keep a big secret like this when I'm around you guys."

"Naminé please, don't do this to me. Not now!" I pleaded

"Well, I _might_ be able to keep this just between you and I, **if** I have something that will hold my interest for as long as you and Kairi are here. Say for instance; this movie I have here in my hands?" She grinned. Seriously for someone so nice, she can be a real bitch when something or someone gets in between her and Roxas' make-out time.

"You wouldn't seriously do that to me Naminé, would ya?" I looked straight at her for a good 2 minutes to try and see even a _little_ hint of joking-ness, "You would." Yeah...didn't find any.

"Okay fine, you can pick it. Just remember it has to be a majority vote, if only two people want to watch it then its a no go." c'mon, believe the lie. Believe iiiit...BELIEVE IIIIIIIT!

"What? That's not a rule, is it?" Dammit, wait maybe I can still work with this majority-rule-for the-movie thing.

"Hey I don't make the rules, I just; ya' know, follow 'em."

"Fine, but I'm sure no one else but **you** will mind my taste in movies." SUCCESS! SHE BOUGHT IT! I. am. The MAN!

There's _no_ way she'll convince Kairi to watch that movie. She absolutely _hates_ those kinds of sappy romance movies. HA! I can already feel her crushing defeat coming toward us, and the best part is that she still can't tell Kairi about Olette since it wasn't technically me who prevented her from watching the movie! Looks like I can make my cake and eat it too!

Naminé grabbed the soon-to-be rejected movie and we walked over to the man-puppet and Kairi, who were hanging out in the kitchen waiting for the popcorn to be done. Naminé skipped over to her boy-toy and gave him a peck on the cheek, obviously trying to make him want to watch that sap-crap-fest, and showed him the movie "we" (and by we she means her) decided upon. Within a second that poor love-duped bastard began viciously nodding in agreement, but now was the moment of my victory. After getting Roxas to agree to the movie she turned to Kairi and asked her the same question.

"So this is the movie **Sora** and I picked out to watch tonight. I know it's not your favorite kind but **he **thought that you might like this one." HA! Shifting the blame to me won't help you this time, Nami. I began to turn around to go and get another movie that is actually_ allowed_ on group movie night, when I hear the one thing; the absolute _**one**_ thing, I thought Kairi would never say in a million years!

"Oh, so even Sora wants to watch this movie? W-well then I guess it's fine by me." I couldn't believe my ears. The world is nothing but lies...IT'S NOTHING BUT LIIIIIIIIIIES!

"Really Kairi, you'll watch it? Yay! Thanks Kairi; you're the greatest!" Shut up, please just shut your mouth. *sob, sob, sob*

I hung my head in defeat as we all walked back to the couch to start that terrible chick flick. How, just how did Naminé manage to do the impossible? Wait...she told Kairi that _I_ was the one who picked out this movie, she even emphasized me twice. So then that must mean... KAIRI IS SUSCEPTIBLE TO PEER PRESSURE! It all makes sense now! Since Kairi thought everyone else wanted to watch the movie, she must've not wanted to make everyone else upset that they couldn't watch the movie they wanted; so she just went along with what everyone else seemed to want. Damn Naminé is smart, using my own "majority rules" rule against me!

We sit down on the couch and prepare ourselves to watch this film calamity, and before the movie even starts I already feel like crying. Please Mr. Almighty-One, if you can find it in your heart to get me outta watching this, I sear I will be forever grateful to you. Please, I promise this will be the only thing I ask for in my entire life just get me out of this madness before it begins! PLEASE!

Before Naminé can start her movie, the door creaks open and a familiar (if not annoying) voice comes streaming through.

"Hey guys, what are you doing right now?"

Hey god, is it too late to ask for a refund on that wish I just used?

* * *

Whew, glad I got that monkey off my back...now time for the next one! XD Okay so once again I'd like to apologize for getting this in so late to you guys. But fear not for I am taking the summer off of school and will trying to spend most of my time writing chapter 3, again no promises but know that I am trying. Anyway so I have a bit of a request for you guys: please, please, PLEASE write me lots of review PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE! I don't even care if they tell me what you think of the story or not...okay actually I do care if they do, otherwise its not a real review, but you know like it, hate, whatever I want to hear from you guys, it'll hopefully help keep my muse up for more chapters in my story. 'cause if there's one thing I'm gonna do in my life its gonna be finishing this fanfic, just so I have some fucking closure on it (and sorry if my swearing is starting to get to you, both in my writing and in my Author sections.) anyway thanks my lovelies (I know that's stealing the Game Grumps thing but what ever its a nice way to address an audience) for sticking with me this far in this story.

Thanks again for reading, You're all beautiful, I love you all, will you marry me. XD Have a terrific day slash night slash morning slash afternoon slash evening! EVERYTHING I WRITE I WRITE FOR YOU~!


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